Shortcutting… The Twilight Saga

16 May

The Twilight ‘Saga’ seems to be ever-present in daily life in one way or another – this weekend was the network premiere of New Moon on some channel or another – and it made me wonder just how many people know what this series is all about. There is no doubt it has sunk its fangs primarily into the teenage market, giving rise to hoards of ‘Twi-hards’ (a species more terrifying than the vampires themselves) proudly claiming to be in either Team Edward or Team Jacob, and also spawning a whole new genre of novel: teen noir (thinks book jackets with black, white and red colour schemes and moody, eyeshadow-ed adolescents). But I am sure there are many people out there who haven’t found the time to plough through the four novels comprising the series, and have only a surface understanding of the whole shebang. If you are one of these people I can offer you a solution: having been sucked in (excuse the pun) to the franchise myself for long enough to read all of the books and watch all of the films I can offer you the shortcutting guide to the series. Yay!

I should first of all warn you not to have great expectations of Twilight – any self-proclaimed ‘saga’ is bound to be a bit of a let down – and also that I will be spoiling the entire plot, so don’t read on if you’re planning to go on the unabridged Twilight journey. Okay, now let’s begin.

The Twilight Saga is narrated by Bella Swan, a moody teenager who has just moved in with her father in the incredibly depressing town of Forks (no wonder they’re all so moody), where she is drawn to the moody Edward Cullen and his mysterious ‘family’ of teenagers who turn out to be vampires. Basically they get in some vampire fights and stuff and everyone’s okay in the end. Book Two: it suddenly occurs to Edward that it’s not that safe for Bella to be hanging out with vampires the whole time so they leave. Bella’s friend Jacob, who hates Edward and loves Bella, is there to cheer her (and us) up a bit, and it turns out he’s a werewolf, explaining the beef between him and Edward. After an uncomfortable meeting at the White House of the vampire world, they all return to Forks. Okay, my memory gets a bit hazy here but basically there are some new vampires in town causing trouble, and then Edward gets Bella pregnant meaning he has to turn her into a vampire. The vampire politicians try and attack Bella and the Cullens so both sides assemble a bunch of vampires (and werewolves) and it’s all okay in the end. Phew.

My own personal view is that while the Twilight Saga is hardly the best piece of literature to come out of the 21st century, there are enough people out there taking the piss out of it (for example, a parody film was made called Vampires Suck) without me having a little rant, so I’ll let you reach your own conclusions. Although don’t you dare put it in the same category as Harry Potter. They are not in the same league. End of.

I hope this has been educational. If the Twi-hards get you down, try chucking garlic at them.

Keep shortcutting,


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