Shortcutting… Winning and losing

7 Jun

I’m a terrible loser – I just don’t get enough practice you see. No, just messin’ with ya. I am a terrible loser but it’s because I’m far too competitive. It started early: I remember way back when I was about seven losing a game at school and getting told off for sticking my tongue out at a girl on the winning team. Salt in the wounds. But anyway, as a very competitive person, I’ve had to learn to be a good loser and, every now and then, when I’m not playing my dad, a good winner. So here are my helpful tips:

Losing: I know it’s hard, but resist slamming down the cards/ pen/ tennis racket/ whatever equipment you were using in the game and storming off. You’ll rarely score a rematch, leaving you as the loser for ever and ever. Also, people just won’t like you. I’ve learnt that the hard way. Try not to cry either, as again I’ve found that doesn’t encourage people to want to play again. In my experience, the hardest situation in which to be a good loser is when the winner is rubbing it in your face (hopefully they’ll read this post and stop doing that) but you have to smile serenely, crack a self-deprecating joke (“Maybe one day I’ll find my forte!”), and try and get the winner to buy everyone drinks.

Winning: Not dancing around obnoxiously in victory is almost as hard as not storming off in defeat, but if you do you’re just giving the loser a reason to hate you. Ditto loser signs, jokes about how they suck and you rock, and constant mentions of your victory. Better to smile serenely, crack a self-deprecating joke (“Well, at least I’m good at something!”), and buy everyone drinks. And then don’t mention it again (although there are no rules against mentioning another event that happened that day in the hope it’ll remind everyone indirectly of your win).

In the words of Rudyard Kipling, ‘meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same’.

Keep shortcutting,


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