Shortcutting… Umbrellas

1 Jul

Having experienced a little rain this weekend, I have had some time to contemplate the umbrella. It has its pros – keeps rain off you – and its cons -allows the wind to drag you around, flips inside and makes you look like an idiot, creates difficulty when trying to pass another umbrella-carrier on the pavement – and I think that while it is a useful little piece of equipment, there are some dos and don’ts which one ought to abide by should rain begin to fall:


1) Wait until you see at least two other umbrella-carriers around. You don’t want to look like a wimp!

2) Take into account your height. If you’re tall, hold it high. If you’re short, hold it low. This will make it easier to pass other umbrella-carriers – most will be holding it at a middling sort of height.

3) Choose your design carefully. My umbrella is a rather garish turquoise and purple, which is frankly too embarrassing to get out except for in the heaviest of monsoons. I’d advise a more elegant black number. On the other hand, my umbrella does have this cool thing where you press a button and it sort of fires out of its retracted state and into action, which is a lot of fun, although sadly the retraction part is manual. And definitely go for a fold-up one rather than those massive, hooked-wooden-handle types. Your arm will get tired.


1) Open your umbrella inside. I know it’s a random piece of superstition but it really freaks people out when you do.

2) Use your umbrella in strong wind. Either you will be thrown to the ground, or the umbrella with break. Both quite embarrassing.

3) Share. Unless you have a very big umbrella and the other person is exactly the same height as you, someone will end up wet and resentful. It’s best not to try.

To slightly modify the words of a certain good girl gone bad: You can’t stand under my umbrella.

Keep shortcutting,


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