Shortcutting… Time

28 Jan

No time. That’s my excuse. That’s pretty much everyone’s excuse for pretty much everything. Taken literally of course, it’s complete bullshit. There’s always time. Time keeps on ticking by, regardless of what we do. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that the absence of time would be even more of a reason to get things done. It’s when time passes that’s the problem. But despite the fact that (as far as I am aware) time has been continuing as per usual, I have managed to fit a little blogging in. It’s about time.

Would you rather have a pause button or a rewind? I have often (perhaps ironically) whiled away the hours pondering this conundrum. It seemed obvious at first that stopping time would be a lot more useful and less messy than trying to go back and change things, which is riddled with paradox and anyway, as any chart-topping singer worth his or her salt has doubtless told you, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Pausing on the other hand would not only let you get more done, it would also allow for some hilarious prankery (oh the fun you could have with people who piss you off). Then again, you have to account for ageing. If you kept pausing here and there to get your homework done, or stick your boss’ fingers up his nose or whatnot, wouldn’t you get old a lot faster than anyone else? You’d have to give yourself a careful allowance of, say, ten minutes per year, to make sure it wasn’t noticeable. Knowing me and my incredible lack of self discipline, I’d have been fifty by the time I was fifteen.

Perhaps then it’s better not to try and change time, but rather stick firmly to the present. But how to ensure that you’re perfectly on time? (On a side note, I’ve often wondered, if every clock in the world was moved forward five minutes, would time itself change? Spooky…) Anyhoo, might I draw your attention to a delightful new discovery of mine: Not only does this little site give you the exact time, in any time zone in the world, it is made truly special by its little time-related news bulletin. I was fascinated to learn, for example, that Ukraine is considering abolishing daylight saving time! It’s daylight robbery! So yes, I rather enjoyed that feature.

Okay, I think I’ve just about bored you for long enough with my little ramblings on the very essence and nature of time. If you’d like to explore time in popular culture, please check out Back to the Future: it’s one of my fave films. Okay, that’s it. Time’s up.

Keep shortcutting,


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